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Friday, August 26, 2011

The Climb-Motivational Four

RunnerBoy surprised me with a day off so I didn't have to run a late afternoon 18 mile run! Yay!

I ran 4 miles today instead and will plan for my 18 first thing in the morning!

Today was a pace run before the long slow run. So I ran sub 9min pace...averaged at 8:55 pace and at some points I was running open and swiftly easy at a 7:30 and I had fantasy that it was that easy and good for the entire run...that maybe one day I'll run a 5k with a steady 7min pace! I see it...I know it exists for me and I just know that it's going to take time. Nothing about what I've earned has come easy or free. I have lost of runner friends lately...Yes...all girls. It's not that I'm not anything other than just supportive and nice so I'm not sure what gives ( chick....well she just always rubbed me the wrong way...HAY! I don't have to like everybody!...let's just say that I had several reasons! End of story! =) But anyways....what that has to do with everyone is beyond me. But this just makes me want to tear them down off their balcony. I have lived my whole life second best...never good enough for anybody let alone even for myself. It fueled my fat ass. It gave me every reason to weep and woe and fuel obese body. I have the extreme personality flaw...if you don't even just 'like' me then I think there is something wrong with me. I'm trying to fix that about myself. I'm still growing and this is one behavior I'm trying to change. Maybe some people just can't handle my outrageous outpouring support, maybe I'm strong now and I am intimidating...maybe I'm mouthy with speaking how I feel (hey, it's running...whats there much to say? lmao. jeesh) but you get it.

Anyways! I earned every dam milestone in my running. I've sweated my ass off...even most literally. Not all runners are going to ever understand the hardships to running with obesity. So mad respect to you if you are reading this and attempting to hit these miles with a smile on your face...because much of the running for me is pushed/forced and it's not often enjoyable unless I purposely slow down. Likely for me at least 80% of my runs are I intentionally get uncomfortable. So listen, if I bitch and moan about my run...just know it was because I was running from a bigger place than I probably could have.

Then I know that just like it took me 11:25 per mile to complete my first half marathon and less than one year later I'm running those same miles in a 9:17 pace that next year....well that just freaking excites me! Today Myley Cyrus came on with the 'climb' oh yes...mushy, mushy boom boom Connie has the climb on her tune list...great during a marathon, trust me!

Here is the song.

I can almost see it.
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it * You know....I don't feel that way anymore ♥ *
Every step I'm takin'
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction *Ok, this is true, lmao*
My faith is shakin'
But I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high *Are we still talking about Running?*

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose * oh and I've lost...sometimes LIFE&LoVE is a losing battle* Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most
I've just gotta keep goin', and
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

Maybe it's just me, but what I love about Running and taking this time in my life is to reflect and to create the new me. The me that respects what I'm doing out there on the road. I'm not just there to run away from something...I'm truly running toward it. There is some purpose to what I do out there. It's the one thing in my life that can always make the most sense. It's not even just running...I'm loving the the whole 'fit' life.

So after my four I feel so mentally ready for 18. I feel 'allowable' to slow myself down out there tmrw. Embrace the splits I plan to hit on Marathon. I will aim for 9:20 mile till mile 7. To which I will hydrate and fuel myself. The next 7 I want to run 10min miles and the last 4 I want to 'open' up for whatever is there in my legs/heart/soul to give.

We'll see!

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