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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Emotional Love Affairs

Confessions of the soul.
It's no secret for those that around me to understand my deep passion in all things in life. Those strangers that don't know me- have no clue where that drive derives itself from.
Everybody has a story. I have my own.
Where I have come from has allowed me to fully embrace the Glory of Today.
There was nothing epic or tragic. Just a simply story of longing for love and understanding. A feeling of unconditional "everythings" in life. Stemming from my childhood - I was certainly damaged little girl with my heart. Certainly there was not a whole lot in life that I found intriguing or fruitful. Nothing in life ever felt passionate or insatiable-nothing ever felt tangible.
Where My RunnerBoy sweeps off my feet at 16yrs old- places me on this incredible pedestal and there I sat - till I slowly realized too- that love in relationships are FAR from Perfect. That perhaps too that love in relationships is HARD WORK. The diligence to grow up side by side with my Husband- has been challenging at times. What I have been most grateful for is this amazing underlying commitment and loyalty- this incredibly thread of chemistry that just holds us together.
Our love like a Molecule- put through different chemical situations (life events) that either bind us closer together like attracting atoms- or perhaps like opposites where we try but the distinctive distance between us- yet still bound close. Odd right? That's 16 1/2 years my friends. From the time that I was 16 years old- till now at 33- I sit here having spent half my life with my best friend.
What's interesting is what comes easy is often incredibly hard. How about the idea that you know the loyalty that binds you- the commitment that is just everlasting- but the hardship remains that Life happens- a situation happens your life that change your mind about love and life.
A person or an event that can shake the very core of everything you had become so accustomed too. What was always sort of a little broken- seemed so SHATTERED to me.
Which was hard for me. I spent two years of my weight loss journey with an easy & light heart. There were slight and totally forgettable marital bumps in the road- but none the less- LIFE was GOOD- Love was there- There were kids to raise- a happy home to tend to.......Then just as easy as a simple act- things just changed. My Life Changed.
Where in life- whether we talk about love or health or our fitness- our life goals at success in Career and money- etc- ......the idea that we become so focused and sometimes our nose is the picture- we concentrate on bettering little parts of our life that we lose sight of the entire picture.
Emotionally- I have discovered so much about myself. The strength I have found inside my soul this year has been profound. The consolable fear I faced when faced with realities I COULD HAVE NEVER OF IMAGINED......I knew in some sense that it would all lead me to 'here' .....where on the other side of it all- I see that it was all part of life's journey in life and love.
What's ironic is in the journey of finding a new me- I thought I had done that. I had lost so much weight- I found a new lifestyle and that was so easy for me. I had no real issues. My Commitment and Drive were never failing- just as they are today. I have No issue with commitment. I have No problem embracing the good in life- and fitness and health is GOOD! I found so much love and joy in Running- that gave me strength and I knew I had somehow metamorphosed my soul with my running wings. It was life a saver. It was a soul discovery- it was that profound to me. The idea that I could really enjoy something so much. That in the challenge of getting faster and go longer that I found a strength that I talked about. What an amazing feeling. How could you not embrace running the same way? Is that the sick side inside my head or is this the fuel inside every runners heart? The freedom and the time to let life worries all melt away- it's certainly many things to me.
But - when you go from no Passion- with amazing Vulnerability to embracing the very things in life that you have Enjoy- with the same Vulnerability there is NO wonder why I am as dedicated in my Emotional Love Affair with Running.
Sort of the whole idea behind this post. When you read my blog- when you are my friend- if you are my family and you can't seem to wrap yourself around the understanding behind my obsession- just know that it's my dedication- it's MY LOVE AFFAIR- with life, with fitness with Health.
If this gives you any idead of how emotional I am - then you've gained a greater insight to me as a person. I'm incredibly strong- but incredible sensitive. I'm incredible powerful in my strength to succeed- but so weak on my failures. I am so Worldy but sometimes way too focused. Sometimes I love so hard that my expectations are not ordinary-
What I love about Life- is knowing that I'm not done growing as a Woman- A Wife- A Friend- An Athlete- A Runner- etc.
I do NOT have it all sorted out. I take each day of my life with the best optimism I can- and I challenge myself to be an all around better person with all my endeavors. I fall short alot. I make mistakes - and I've done some things I never thought I would- but I'm here- and I just keep living Life with Passion to which I never felt before my Children & Finding My Running Wings!
Do you have a love affair with Running?
Or is this just something you are doing to lose weight?
Do you Fear not finding your Running Wings- to keep you moving forward in health & fitness?

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