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Thursday, November 3, 2011

Self Esteem- What's your Self Worth?

What's Your Self Worth?

Self esteem is what your over-all perception of worth is.

Are You Worthy?

If you could write down write now even before I continue what you are worthy of....what would that list include:

Now I want you to write down what you think you are not worthy of.

Now tell me, do you think you have good self esteem or poor self esteem?

Alot of what we do in life in general is based upon our perceptions in life. If we decide we are worthy of something then we will make it happen. If we decide that it's too hard or too difficult then we are likely to have poor self confidence.

It's ok to have high self esteem in some area's of your life and then in other areas to recognize that you have poor self esteem.

If you can identify where your weakness lies then you can begin to work on boosting your self esteem.

How do you know it's low/poor self esteem? How is your self talk? Is it negative, pessimistic. Do you tell your self that you can't do something *that I bet you haven't even tried!!*

Don't beat yourself up...self esteem does not come naturally. Remember in Grade school when a teacher would scorn the "I can't" phrase. Because it needs to be taught. In the face of struggle we fear. It's those fears that hold us back.

What do you fear I then ask? Tell me.

not worthy?
reaching a goal and not knowing what to do next?

What causes those fears again..poor self esteem. Sometimes it's easier to give up, to let the bad thoughts stop us from really experiencing the 'fear' because maybe we think it's going to really BREAK us. And you life...sometimes it does. I won't sugar coat that for you. I'm not here with rose colored glasses letting you know that when you struggle and face fears that it won't shake you to your core. That it won't make you scared, make you re-evaluate everything you have valued or thought to be true & real. But what if I told you that maybe even if you failed at something....that the inner strength that you get from that experience in RETROSPECT is LIFE CHANGING!
Listen I know I can be philosophical bullshitter...but what I speak is real. Life is real. Well if you dare to live it!

Do you live life?

I never did.


Why bother? I experienced anxiety every time I stepped out of my comfort zone. I felt like I was unworthy of ever being 'skinny' which why it didn't just 'happen' for me. Cause you know...when you want's supposed just 'click' and happen, right?
Fat, obese Connie does not belong in the gym on a treadmill running a turtle slow 4.5 weighing 295lbs next to this STUDLY Man, so fit and strong running at an 8.0. What about that chick I see next to me..she is Thin! She is so Strong...Wow...I look and she's running a 6.1 on the treadmill...THAT'S FAST! I'll NEVER be that fast. I would think "Connie....your fat is jiggling....Connie....your thighs are rubbing.....Connie your boobs are about to hit yourself in the face.......Connie you just officially sweat 10lbs of water in 3minuets and you are huffing like you just ran 10 miles let alone it was really only 30 seconds. OMG!!! yes, I remember!

But you know what....I bet as you read this it's going to be easy for you to guess....who stood in my way in the beginning? Yep....ME!

You will be what you create for yourself. If I thought about all the ways that it felt wrong and unworthy to be doing the very things I thought I shouldn't I wouldn't be sitting here today having run 2 Marathons and having lost all this weight.

So what pushed me. Well besides the other factors that drove my journey, I had to learn to embrace a positive self esteem.

RUNNING taught me this. For every time I thought about how Daringly AWFUL my runs often were then you would understand why I bitched and moaned.

I friggin hurt. I sweat what I thought was piggish for my piggish self, my joints ached. I was out of breath all the time, my chest hurt, my lungs burned, my muscles ached and screamed at me all the time. I have freaking reason in the world to Bitch! And so I did!

Till time and time and time again my running friends would preach the mantra that it's all MENTAL! that you MUST STOP the Negative Self Talk.

Honest to God.....I remember being on my first 8 mile run....I was about to die (or so I dramatized it as much) and It was hott, summer training for my first half. Still overweight weighing about 220lbs and I was cursing like a sailor on the interstate. Then finally I got mad at myself "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND RUN" OMG!!!
So I did! Guess What...I finished that run and from then ON...I VOWED to NEVER EVER think about Quitting. I will never ever STOP TILL I'M FINISHED! That day changed me.

Really the only person that can change your self esteem is Don't wait!

•Stop Negative self talk

•Replace "I can't" with "I can and I will"

•Find Positive Mantras that will Move you

•Find someone that inspires you and repeat "if they can, I can"

•Find someone that has endured the fight and stay strong for them. (I remember dedicating my runs to people in my life that may have been struggling in a different cancer. I knew if they could struggle in the face of Cancer then surely my run/weight loss should be NOTHING to that burden)

•Talk to someone about your fears/anxiety and negative self talk. Sometimes that support system will be great to boost your confidence to get you over your hump.

•Get Sober- Did you know that self destructive behaviors like drinking too much can drag down your mood

•Keep making all around life style changes that can make you feel good. If you only work on area of your life and the other areas make you feel worse then you'll just be cycling with highs/lows of self esteem and surely the bad attitude will win!

•watch your impulsivity- instead of reacting like you always do....think about it and find a positive approach to problem solving.

Here's a test to try if you have time.

You know what I find amusing....people joke and tease me by saying "Nope, Connie doesn't lack any self confidence" .....I take that as huge compliment...even if I come across as cocky or selfish...all that matters is ME....cause my whole life...I never mattered at all.


  1. I loved reading this! Thank you for sharing. :)

  2. This is exactly what I needed to read today. I have bad self esteem and tons of negative self talk going on inside my head daily.