Rest Day for this RunnerGirl Today.
I am blogging earlier than normal to get my daily update out of the way.
I have NO intentions on doing anything today other than clean the castle, pretty up my doll face and hit up the college for a few hours of College Algebra :)
My arms feel 'sore' and I love that. I was brushing my hair today and was looking at the under side of my arms and see the 'tone' all this weight lifting has done for my arms. I am sad that I'll never toss that extra skin look but maybe I start to think that if I build a little more muscle that this look will go away, I'll be eager to see if that happens.
I notice my hip flexor area this week has changed. I now have this absence of extra fat in my hip flexor and it's sunken in looking and I like that lean look as I look down at myself. What's great for me is to lay down and be able to look down and see nothing but flatness...I'll tell you 155lbs ago I could only see fat, yuck! Now I see everything :) lmao. What I also see though is extra skin and that sucks. Glad I have a husband who says he loves me no matter what cause this past week I really paid closed attention to how much skin just sorta rolls off to the side of my body now when I lay down. RunnerBoy hugs me and tells me I'm beautiful and I notice now because I'm leaning out more and building more ab muscles that I'm noticing it more.
I really hope I can get this tummy tuck in the Spring! That would be AMAZING for my self esteem.
I had an old friend I ran into at the grocery store that said "Dang Girl you better gain some weight" lmao....WHAT?? Dude! I was like 5lbs more and he said "No"
Then Yesterday at the gym after my shower and looking all cute I was walking out and this stranger woman stopped me and said "I just have to tell you how gorgeous you are and you look amazing" and I said "thank you, I've lost alot" and she asked how much and I told her. She then said "you look perfect!" I said 5lb more and she said "NO!" you are Perfect just like this.
So I think. Am I perfect Right now?
what if you don't see what I see in the mirror?
I am the one that can pinch a crap load of ab fat on my guts. It's so weird though cause some is fat...you can pinch and feel it but so much is skin. Like thick skin. Most people think that extra skin = some sort of super saggy look and I assure you that I look pretty dam decent for my weight loss considering and my age surely has alot to do with it. and yes I'm saggy but no where compared to other people pictures that I've seen. Maybe that's because I do have at least 5lbs on my abs to go.
Oh well, this sorta turned into an ugly post huh? lol
I guess you journey with me as I wonder why I'm not so willing to hit maintenance yet and how I reflect on my body and my extra skin and left-over fat. I know for a fact that if I can get this tummy tuck they will remove so much of those last couple pounds of stubborn belly fat and I then wonder do I continue to work my ass off trying to lose it myself or just hit maintenance and wait for them to cut it off? lmao.
But lets face it, two things will not change....I will eat healthy, I will portion control and I'll work-out cause who I am and it's what I love now.
I am going to share that I decided to NOT weight myself for a while. I'd like to say that I would like to get to the two days before Marathon and weigh in.
I have been fluxing with my weight BIG time with this BIG runs.
I went from 152-162 back down to 156 and then after my 20 miler I hit 161 again and I'm just thinking with everything in my life right now to sit back and watch the numbers bounce for all normal and practical reasons does nothing for me.
Those numbers reflect nothing other normal body flux and trying to recovery from endurance running. It's normal and I'm ok with that. so Ok that I'd rather save myself the burden of future mind games with myself. I have enough on my plate right now than to worry about such fuss. So for now in my head I know when not in recovery from a Long or Hard run that body weighs about 153-156 with minor up and down flux. So I ride this out and aim to lose more but not fixate on it.
I know that come Marathon Day my focus is going to be on Nutrition and Fitness!