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Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Failed 16 miler

I was retaining a lot of water on Sunday- most times when I retain it's either hormones or the contrary of most people weigh too little my body holds onto whatever water I give it, so I go up in weight- always have been this way. So when I hydrate after dehydration I actually lose 3-4lbs in one day. Well I was drinking and peeing so much on Sunday- I was peeing clear and I actually had to apologize to my professor for escaping to the potty 4x in a 3hr class simply because I thought my bladder would explode. I have been dealing with a sore back and tight hips, ITB flare out of nowhere and pain my lower belly - right near my ovaries. I think I ovulated last week which just means and with coordination of my cycle I am due for my period any day now. I'm tired, fatigued when I thought I was hydrated I think I still was dehydrated and maybe just 'normal' ...gah, frustrated at trying to sort out why am not feeling myself. I couldn't get my heart rate up- every time I did- my hear rate would be high- I would feel winded and the body even heavier- I felt like a horse out there again today-

coupled with the physical stiffness, aches, pains, lethargic feelings I was also battling my emotions. I had a very intense dream and it mind f'd me up. I woke up crying and just hate those sorts of feelings and it stayed with me, toppled with runnerboy spousal distress because I broke my cell phone on one of my runs, I dropped it- so he was fresh with me about it- frustrating me, not like I meant to break a cell phone- GAH! good news is that it still works but has moments of broken insanity so I'm not sure how much longer it will last :( Remember the half marathon it fell into the snow :/

I ran through so much last Year. It actually saved me. It escaped me to go into my own little world for a while. My heart and mind found some sort of solitude out on the roads. Running with broken heart and fucked up feelings was just so normal for me. However, things are different now. I don't harbor the 'same' sort of feelings or heart ache. Those sorts of problems have or are still are being worked out and when I run I have nothing but clear thoughts and a happy heart.

I did NOT like running yesterday with funky dream, with the angst from the runnerboy being upset with me, my body already off- my energy low- I had no fuel of which is typical for me- an egg/toast is not going to cut it for me with a 16 mile run. Epic fail there. I brought no fuel, no hydration, epic fail there. I had to hold my mace/keys- epic fail there, I didn't have my cell phone and that pisses me off because I love taking pics and having it for security and I was stubborn left it home.

My 16 turned into 8.5 and that's just the way it worked. I would of most honestly ran the whole way home - as I went 8 out and started my way back into the city but runnerboy came to me with fluids and well within an instant I ditched my run. No regrets at all either.

What I did love- the lake views, the birds chirping - being in the country.

oh well, confidence to know that it's ok to try again later. Trust in myself that ending this run was the best thing for my head and heart. I love running and yesterday it was not much fun- and I was there to just be there and that is not fair to me or my wings-


spinach salad topped with pine nuts/walnuts/cherry/olive oil dressing, grapes, greek yogurt

organic beef, crustless whole wheat, 1/4 slice of swiss, 1 slice of low sodium ham, 2tbsp of quacamole, pineapple, jalapeno poppers *2* , carrots

Best Part-No Evening Snack- I'm so over it :)

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