I spoke lightly about how I was feeling yesterday the day before this 17 miler. Just my aspects as Mother. I look largely how I live my life. My relationships around me- the closeness and lack there of those that I care for, did care for or never should of cared for etc.
I was bleak and vulnerable and cried in RunnerBoys arms as sort of maybe in a way to tear myself down so I can build myself back up again- stronger woman, wife and mother. I'm on this journey to be the best person for me. I want to look in the mirror and feel proud and not ashamed and really I want to know and feel love and I want to be able to give that back. So that's where I'm at. Many of you have been following me all last year- you know I've struggled plenty last year- I never steered from the mention of a broken heart and I'm sure to share more as my 1 year anniversary from hitting my goal approaches, as it draws near I think about how I managed to pull through this year not regaining my weight and gaining a healthier balance with my body despite my mind/heart being a freakin' mess. And just so you all know- my head and heart were a mess but it was never seen to anyone- I live happy, I by all sense of the meaning never walked around sulking- I lived large wtih my endeavors, I enjoyed so much of life last year- I kept busy as I felt burden and fear and walked away from a lot of people that were never any good for me and tried hard to keep the good ones close (despite!)
17 miles- woke up in the morning- got ready- instead of oatmeal today I fueled on whole wheat pancakes with fresh blueberrys, pure maple syrup.
I got out there in a sunny and crisp cold freezing morning (29') by about 7:30am.
I had my route planned. Auburn to Skaneatles piers and back. With a loop around the Hoopes Park on the out and back.
I actually I have all my Long Runs Mapped out, each different and each providing me a new training experience unlike my other 2 trainings. I need that- I can't keep running circles inside this city! OMG!
I stop at the Park 1.5 miles in and this is what I can give to the Running Gods for my Blessed Day a beautiful picture from Mother Nature :)
Taking this route Meant Honking Hills. I had a lot of Elevation Gains and we use this route as a training route for Mountain Goat. I knew I could essentially knock off two training runs done in one shot- distance and slow hills.
Here are those hills in pictures and there is a picture of a car magnet ribbon I took last September and I took that same picture and it's funny it's in the same spot as 7 months ago - just more worn out,ha! http://www.caloriecountingrunnergirl.com/2011/09/9112011-never-forgotten-131.html
I got into Skaneatles and Ran the pier and here she is ♥
I was heading out of Skaneatles and back toward the city and my right knee started to nag me. It was a pressure on the top of the knee and where the quad connects to the knee. I grew concerned- I'm not liking that. I'm contributing it to only one thing- My Pace. My Pace as of Mile 10 was on average 9:48 Pace. I was going S L O W and most purposely I really wanted a fun run. I wanted an easy - care free run. But that is not what happens when my head wants to always push hard and run strong. You know I wuss out when it comes to taking it easy these days.
so I sorta said I was crazy because I kept repeating "this feels nice, I like this, see Connie this is so nice- Oh look at the cows- Oh there is a deer .....oh look you are not even breathing heavy at all- your heart rate matches that of a walk- oh so enjoyable.......BLAH BLAH, BLAH, BLAH....................
All that Great Conversation to easy my thoughts about how I was going so SLOW. I have no idea why I torture myself, lol- no- I actually do know. I know whats practical and I know my fears. It's practical to run slow- it's smart. It's wise-it reduces my risk for injury. But my fears are that the slow pace will hurt my knee (and it really does) and my fear is running too hard that I break myself. I fear breaking myself again. It hurts my heart to think I could run this Marathon and lose running again. Although I fought through- it was a tough and long recovery.
I have these secret expectations that I've come back stronger and faster- and that I have but does NOT mean I'm faster at the distance than before (all though I am!) but Dam- why I keep boxing myself in to these expectations.
I just think I need to have them and just stop being afraid of failing and just keep freaking' going for it. I just need to freaking run strong and if I break, I freaking break. Screw it, I break I'll fix myself. (ok I'm totally faking this! lol)
Oh and back to the original story sorry for the mental tangent. I Picked up my pace after mile 10 at 9:45 miles. The last 7 miles were at a 8:35 pace with Hills :) I'll take that as a Really GREAT Training Run!
Oh and I found 13 cents today- 1 dime and 3 pennys...BOOM!
GAR....Am I Running a Marathon in 7 weeks? Will My Knee hold out or break? Is my flame and desire to run long distance gone? I'm not really sure right now. I know as it stands I feel content with Running a PR Half Marathon At Buffalo and sticking to half Marathons for a while. I'm not really sure why either. Fear? Boredom? Nothing to run from anymore?
Got Home and RunnerBoy wasn't home from the gym yet- I didn't bring my house key- grabbed a blanket and pillow from the entry and and snuggled on the porch swing- the hot sun in the cold air beating against my black tights felt so amazing against my muscles- trumped and ice bath today-
So Thanks for sharing in that crazy Journey with me :) I promise you again- I'm a very normal and Happy Person- Ha! lol
2 whole eggs
2 egg whites
2 slices of whole wheat toast
1/4 cup fresh blueberries
Dinner: Huge Salad with all the amazing fixings- ranch dressing, Big Beef Burger and Yes- 1 cookie :)
I got an email about an upcoming Class to Become a Running Coach. They are very hard to get into- they fill up quickly. They are often very far away from NY as well. So when this email arrived while I was out running- I had to jump at trying to get in on it. http://www.rrca.org/
Well it was a little costly for this budget- just over 300 and with a set up fee, then I had to drop another hundred and get a hold of my local Amercian Red Cross and get certified with CPR and First- Aid- so that's getting done this week and the Coaching Training Takes Place in Connecticut in June. Family Trip :) RunnerBoy is on Vacation- it's so perfect. This opens a wide range of new potential for my future. I've been wanting to become a Running Coach. With my Running Club- with CCRG Growing here on the Web and via Facebook I have the potential to keep helping new runners meet their dreams and others to lose weight and run and doing that to my fullest potential.I'll be able to start providing for my family too and that is really something Great within itself. I have many other Plans in store for my Future too and that Includes becoming a Personal Trainer and that happens this fall- I plan on starting a home business as I'll be incorporating a Home Gym to Train My Clients. I live in 125 Year old Victorian in a Commercial District so we are in a Prime Location to expand my photography business with an in home studio and start my Running & Personal Training right out of my home! Wow! I can NOT even tell you all how Excited I am about this. I can really say that there is nothing I have ever been so sure of as far as my future goes!