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Sunday, May 20, 2012

Finally a College Graduate!

So it took me 4 years of study- one year of floundering- but I made it!

I started college just one year after my daughter was born. Why? Whitney and motherhood changed my life. I felt a passion and feeling for Life to which I have never felt before. Before Motherhood I was simply existing. Whitney changed my heart. She opened up my soul. I thanked God for making me wait. I finally knew all in one moment just how amazing and beautiful life truly was. I held her in my arms and God shined a light through me. What an Amazing feeling and I talk about that often. Because it transcends me each time I reflect that moment!

I started with just part time semesters (2 3hr credit courses) I did that up till my twins were born. Then because they were in Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and I emotionally was a HOTT MESS (Austn spent 6 1/2 weeks in Nicu and Ally spent 9 1/2 weeks in Nicu - which put me into October) I took a leave of absence for 6 months- you can do this once on student loans- Then in a jiffy to hurry it along that following spring I took 4 3r classes and just about LOST MY MIND- Why someone was there to say "Connie, really full time AFTER TWINS- AFTER having PREEMIE TWINS? ) but I did and that's when I quit breastfeeding the twins, Runnerboy worked more, I gained 40lbs in 4 months! Yep, that stressful on me! but I passed all my classes and with Great Grades too! Sure I had almost lost my mind with colic/high reflux baby crying, my hormones, my isolation.. blah, blah, blah.....if there was ever a reason to quit- it would have been that semester- THAT HARD!

I earned my degree in Liberal Arts in Humanities and Social Science with a Psychology concentration. What sort of degree is this? Well a Great starter into any direction of higher education I might want. I took Several English (can you tell, I type fast and never spell check, bwahahaha) I took several Science (I love Science! like Environmental science, biology) I took sociology, philosophy, American History, Woman's History (I love history too!) What I DON'T LIKE IS MATH, MATH, MATH, MATH, MATH, GGGGGGRRRRRRRR.....MATH IS MY MENACE, YOU BITCH OF A THING CALLED MATH! I took great subjects for self like sports nutrition, coaching management, health & wellness, weight management, alcoholism and its effects etc.

Ok, holding a 3.8 Gpa, My biggest mistake was Math. I waited till the end of my degree to take it beacause I'm not that great at math. I took Mathfor the first time in spring 2011. I was withdrawn, not keeping up with the coursework- the Professor withdrew me in Spring 2011. Holey shit, I wallowed in self pitty :*( I really punished myself mentally for not grasping teaching myself math online. so my other classes suffered as I lost my desire to even do any of my education :/ I was also going through hard time personally in my life and so I just started to sink emotionally.

Then in the fall 2011- I was still a hott mess emotionally. I was still beating myself up for fucking up my spring math, I mentally committed to trying Math AGAIN- ONLINE! I thought- I must have been lacking discipline. The sort of discipline that would get me past this class. I mentally committed to really studying! And I did, but I WAS NOT LEARNING- I WAS FLOUNDERING- CONFUSED, NOT UNDERSTANDING MATH! I was withdrawn AGAIN! OMG- SOMEONE SHOOT ME! I was so disappointed in myself. Again my other class floundered as I thought "I'm never going to graduate, I can't get another student loan with them withdrawing I was so upset :*(

Then with encouragement from RunnerBoy he said- go for the student loan and see if I get it, once I was accepted, I then said "I can NOT keep repeating what is NOT working for me" so I took my study to the campus. I worked magic with the school and got into a Sunday Evening class, perfect for just when RunnerBoy would get off work!

I never missed a class and I studied and did all my homework and BOOM! I got a 90 on my final exam and B+ in my class!!

My Gpa had fallen and instead of graduating with higher honor (Magna Cum Laude 3.5 - 3.8) I graduated with Cum Laude (3.44 gpa) and I'm happy about that!

I just wanted to share that this was NOT an easy journey for me. I had and raised kids during this journey. I had a husband that supported the idea of me going but never lifted the burden of my responsibility around the home for me to do it. I had to be all woman, All wife, all mother despite being all student. I love him for his "support" but some of my tears come from the notion that I did all this with little "real" support. The kind where I could go to school and find time to study and the slack of my house chores would be kept up by him, or that the kids would be bathed when I got home. Runnerboy knew what I needed to do but he never wanted it to impact our "family" time. Wow- balancing my schoolwork around his needs/expectations was really hard on me. Whether he would ever want to me to confess to the www, well that's too bad. This blog speaks the truth and I don't sugar coat anything!

My kids made it difficult to study. I was EXHAUSTED each night at bedtime. Sure facebook/blogger is different- I don't need energy and brain cells to laugh or share a little with friends. Don't go talking to me about imaginary numbers and how to graph quadratic formulas. But it had to be done- because I rarely ever did school work during the day- I just could never find a way to get my brain going and then get interrupted by 1-3 year old TWINS! A little easier when they were baby's amazing how those baby toys can entertain me as I wrote essays and responded to threads via online. But they always still interrupted me and even up till last week would cry and whine when I didn't' give them undivided attention! :/ *sigh*

When I cried at graduation it was because I went through so much. I battled through so much at the same time as I got my education. I held on, I never gave up. I kept onto my dream and I worked through all the hardships. I'm feeling blessed to be the first member of my family to graduate College *Yes the First!!!* BOOM!!!

I want you to really know how amazing I feel, how to reach such a milestone is much like running! Getting this 2 year is like running a half marathon for the first time. There was so much training to get there, but I did it. There was so much commitment and some mistakes but I got there. When I got to my half marathon I knew then I would Run a Marathon. Today I know for sure I'm getting my Bachelors! What you gain is just another ounce (or pound?) of motivation and self inspiration to KEEP GOING!! I'm not stopping. When I look at the core of who I am, no matter how hard it is on me, I really do love my education. I really do intrinsically enjoy how much I learn and really I would love to keep learning for the rest of my life and I really hope I can do that! (all though financially, omg- I can't do that! ugh)

I wont' get into how ill I was that morning of the graduation, I'll keep it simple. I woke up with severe sinus pain and that causes extreme nausea and I vomited for about 4hrs before graduation. I was severely dehydrated in these pictures and had not ate in about 18 hrs. I managed through graduation but I left early- I got my diploma and then I left. I had to- I needed sugar/liquid- so for the FIRST TIME IN 3 YEARS- I had a Slush Puppy- a BIG FAT CHERRY SLUSH PUPPY - Dam that was so good!

Thanks for letting me share and before I go- I would LOVE for you to share with me if you too have earned a degree with a kids or a spouse and how you managed through. Or if you are in college and you are struggling- I would love to hear from you- I could help support you!

1 comment:

  1. I realize this was posted months ago, but as a fellow PCOS, weight-loss (Semi-)success story and soon to be college graduate with 2 children (not twins thankfully!)and a husband who is very encouraging but not the best physical support (although he has stepped it up from prior years) I can truly relate to EVERY word you say here. I know many people will tell you the same thing, but we really have experienced very parallel lives in our adult years. I am not as dedicated to running as you but as soon as I graduate in December, my focus will switch. I have two teenage daughters and work full-time, plus the house and yada-yada, but I will run at least a half someday. We'll see about the full...only time will tell. I follow you on FB, but today I decided to read more about you on your blog and I'm so happy I did! Thank you for sharing your struggles and successes with us all. You never know who's life you might be able to change or who you might inspire!