Sometimes God and people work in their own time.
Ever ask God "why" and feel so confused and hurt and maybe perplexed by someone or an event in your life? Trying to understand a purpose or get the meaning out of what is really going on. I'm almost convinced we are not supposed to stress ourselves out with trying to find out why or what lessons are supposed to be learned etc.
I actually went through so much last year and I was just in so much emotional pain. I kept trying to see clearly enough to just get through my days for myself and my kids. I didn't even know how to pray for myself or even know what to pray for. I really felt scared to pray for anything specifically. It's not liking praying and God are a magic genie bottle. It doesn't work that way right? lol-
So finally after a couple months I just stared to pray for courage, forgiveness and the ability to let go and be strong. I wanted to stay focused on what always mattered most. My family. So by about November I really was able to start doing that more and more.
As a I reflect on the last 11 months I see that I found my closure. Surely and slowly the last few months what once was hurting me so much- no longer was. I found myself smiling more. Living More. Willing to open up more to the people I love. I was coming "alive" again. I cry now at the tears of freedom I have in my heart. I have closure. I thank God for that feeling. Time does heal and my views about people/events in my life last year have changed the FREEDOM is amazing to me right now!
I am ready to keep moving forward and I'm REALLY EXCITED to keep moving on!! I know this amazing feeling tonight will continue to transcend in my personal life with my Husband and kids- with my personal running goals and so many exciting things I have planned for future.
My lessons are learned and boy that was a LONG lesson, but I'm never making that mistake again!