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Monday, July 21, 2014

My Running Addiction - Part 2

I had to realize that I had a running addiction. I quickly assumed the identity of a runner and made it a fabric of who I was.
The key ways I knew I had simply moved my addiction from one substance (Food) to another (Running)
  • I was grumpy without my run
  • All I thought about was my run
  • I would get very upset if my run time was altered or interrupted
  • I planned my life around my running schedule 
  • I ONLY felt good "emotionally" after my run 
  • I would worry and get upset when I had an injury that kept me from running 
  • When I rationalized that it was a "healthier addiction" than most other things 

Bottom line when I have come to realize is that there was a still a root cause for my addictions. Whether you or I want to define them as "healthy" or not.  One of mine is anxiety.  Anxiety has become more prevalent the last year since I have cut down on my running. I notice more anxiousness in my life. Which has led to fighting off the desires to eat more.  Running is great for decompressing, relaxing and letting endorphins take over! However, there will be a day guaranteed when I can't run, then what? What is the condition of soul going to be then? I've witnessed so many runners fall into deep depressions after major training and or when they get an injury. There is a way to have a full life and love running but not be so dependent on it. (Same for exercise!)

Spiritually I need to be rid of this anxiety and all false sense of security that running gives to me . I need to recognize how anxiety has impacted my life, what I'm anxious about and what these addictions do to satisfy or lessen that anxious feeling. I may not always have running to turn to and I've come to realize on a really deep level, I don't want to run off my problems anymore. I want to turn to God and find rest and peace through him. I have taken a mental shift to change my running life the last 2 1/2 months. I'm running more now than I have been in the last year. This time I've made some changes. I'm no longer going to let the "run" control me. I can't outrun my life. I can't outrun my anxiety anymore. I need to deal with life in a heart/spirit way vs a physical way. It's the best way for me to deal with food/running addiction. Cognitively speaking I'm altering my conscious.  I woke up one day and realized that in the last five years I've not "fully" dealt with the root causes that led to my obesity and further worst I never dealt with the root causes and allowed my head and heart to truly change.  If not for this change I could find myself not running and very obese again, that reality scares me because I don't want to be that old person again. 

My changes so far (And I still have a LONG way to go in this journey of battling my addictions)

  • Running can't replace my food addiction
  • Running & Food are not my answers to life stress/anxiety 
  • I can't eat or run when I'm anxious 
  • I can't eat or run when I'm emotionally stressed out  
I know many people can, many of you may not understand what I'm trying to share. Although my prayer is that while I share my inner most heart and soul that I'm helping someone else too. Reality is that we may not always be in the physical strength to conquer our inner demons.  My answer to dealing with ALL issues in my life is going to be God and let Jesus be my true sanctifier.

What value is running to my life then?  I really do enjoy and love running (Although it sucks most times- love the OxyMoron!!!) 
  • I always feel 'great' when I'm done
  • I feel it cleanses the toxins out of my body
  • I feel refreshed 
  • I feel more connected with my spirit and more importantly with Gods spirit. 
  • I feel when I exhaust my physical self then I see God through me even deeper 
  • I love to be outside! This marvelous place he built for me to explore!! How exciting! 
  • I love the fellowship, running friends and running community ♥ 
  • I love the time to myself - I get to explore my thoughts and heart (motives) 
  • I take that time to be worship and praise the Lord 
  • Clears my mind 
  • Relaxes me (Can see why this is GREAT for someone with anxiety!!) 
  • Builds confidence -Accomplishing goals allows me to feel great! 

I'm really excited to re-learn why I run (not just weight loss and dealing with anxiety) but to really grab hold of these Great, Fun reasons to Run and see where the new root will bring me!!

Some Funny's about Running Addictions! Because Lighten up, Running was always supposed to be fun!

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